To tell you the truth I have been there, I learnt the hard way and I am still learning. Nobody wants to create enemies in the workplace.
As long as you find yourself working in a team, you want to be at peace with everyone and get things moving. However, you may mistake your wish for good relations to mean you have to agree with everything and anything.
It doesn’t mean that you should be heartless. Try to understand and sympathize with your coworkers, you should be able to say no/yes where necessary.
Stand firm and air out your point, this sometimes can be really difficult especially when it comes to people way older than you. It’s frustrating because it goes against everything we were taught as children.
Yes, you want to be a good child but that doesn’t mean you won’t have individual opinions from time to time, you can still air out your view without disrespecting anyone!
So how will you find out if you’re a nice person in the healthy sense or a nice person in the problematic sense?
1. Thinking you can be loved by being “nice” and Struggling to say no
Stop thinking that saying no or being on the same side makes you feel loved and accepted. This idea is based on a deeper one that says ‘you are not good enough’.
So you have to do things and be in certain ways to be loved. This can also affect your contribution to constructive criticism if your colleague asks for feedback and you tell him his work on the project is incredible when it’s not, you’re actually sabotaging him when that is not your intention.
Giving critical feedback can be scary, especially if it’s to your peer, constantly praising your colleagues without pinpointing their faults could get them in trouble.
Remember, straightforward and honest communication will always help a colleague and grow the business.
2. Feeling like criticism or disapproval is the end of the world
Of course, we don’t enjoy criticism. But those who suffer from being a “nice a person” Syndrome, hearing negative feedback feels like the end of the world. I like to be liked – you probably do too.
And there is nothing wrong with that. It is fine to want approval. Unfortunately, though, we often go beyond wanting it. We make approval into a need – an absolute ‘must’ without which we think we cannot survive. When this happens, approval-seeking can lead to self-defeat.
It’s hard to listen with an open mind and pick the truth out of what could be an emotional response. Repeat back the criticism to make sure you heard it right; then ask questions to clarify what they meant.
Maybe what they’re saying is true. This is a consideration that must run through your mind. If you don’t give the criticism the due diligence, then you’re never going to know when the criticism hits home.
Most criticism isn’t meant to be hurtful, even if it’s not tactful. Therefore, be respectful and thank the person for their input!
Credit: Nalumansi Susan